Golf Quotes

Older quotes are arranged in alphabetical order by the originator’s last name. The newest quotes will appear at the top of the page until further additions are made.


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Former Golf Quotes by Attribution
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Aaron, Hank – “It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.”

Adams, Joey – “Most people play a fair game of golf… if you watch them”

Anonymous – “Man blames most accidents on fate – but feels a more personal responsibility when he makes a hole-in-one on the golf course.”

Anonymous – “The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.”

Barry, Dave – “Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.”

Beard, Henry – “A tap-in is a putt that is short enough to be missed one-handed.”

Beck, Fred – “If you pick up a golfer and hold it close to your ear, like a conch shell, and listen, you will hear an alibi.”

Bishop, Jim – “Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.”

Bolt, Tommy – “Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet.”

Bolt, Tommy – “The biggest liar in the world is the golfer who claims that he plays the game merely for exercise.”

Bruce, Bob – “You know you’re on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do.”

Burrell, Jack – “My (golf) clubs are well used, but unfortunately not used well.”

Churchill, Winston – “Golf: An ineffectual attempt to direct an uncontrollable sphere into an inaccessible hole with instruments ill-adapted to the purpose.”

Cooke, Alistair – “In golf, humiliations are the essence of the game.”

Crenshaw, Ben– “My golf game’s gone off so much that when I went fishing a couple of weeks ago my first cast missed the lake.”

Daly, John – “Do I have to know rules and all that crap? Then forget it.”

Dickinson, Gardner – “They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them; golf is more complicated than that.”

Diller, Phyllis – “The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you”

Faxon, Brad – “The golf swing is among the most stressful and unnatural acts in sports, short of cheering for the Yankees.”

Ford, Gerald R. – “I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.”

Gladstone, Dr. Irving A. – “Golf is a game of expletives not deleted.”

Graham, Billy – “The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.”

Graham. Lou – “Golf: ‘Hitting the ball is the fun part of it, but the fewer times you hit the ball the more fun you have.'”

Hackett. Buddy – “Your financial cost can best be figured out when you realize that if you were to devote the same time and energy to business instead of golf, you would be a millionaire in approximately six weeks.”

Hobday, Simon – “Golf giveth and golf taketh away, but it taketh away a hell of a lot more than it giveth.”

Hope, Bob – “If you watch a game, it’s fun; if you play it, it’s recreation; if you work at it, it’s golf.”

Jenkins, Dan – “Always keep in mind that if God didn’t want a man to have mulligans, golf balls wouldn’t come three to a sleeve.”

Jones, Bobby – “If ever I needed an eight foot putt, and everything I owned depended on it, I would want Arnold Palmer to putt for me.”

Jones, Franklin P – “Always tell the truth. You may make a hole in one when you’re alone on the golf course someday.”

Jones, Bobby – “If I needed advice from my caddie, he’d be hitting the shots and I’d be carrying the bag.”

Kennedy, John F. – “Show me a man with a great golf game, and I’ll show you a man who has been neglecting something.”

Lansky, Bruce – “I’ll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.”

Lemmon, Jack – “If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.”

Marr, Dave – “Never bet with anyone you meet on the first tee who has a deep suntan, a 1-iron in his bag, and squinty eyes.”

Mencken, H.L. – “If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be ineligible for any office of trust in the United States.”

Mulligan, Thomas – “The score a player reports on any hole should always be regarded as his opening offer.”

National Lampoon – “Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns.”

Poundstone, Paula – “There’s Fantasy Golf’? Apparently, there’s a level of boredom I’ve never experienced.”

Rodríguez, ‘Chi Chi’ – “A golf ball is like a clock. Always hit it at six o’clock and make it go toward twelve o’clock. But make sure you’re in the same time zone.”

Rogers, Will – “The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.”

Rosin, Charles – “Golf isn’t a game, it’s a choice that one makes with one’s life.”

Russell, Bertrand – “The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.”

Stockton, Dave – “When the ducks are walking, you know it is too windy to be playing golf.”

Swan, Jane – “My golf is improving… yesterday I hit the ball in one!”

Trevino, Lee – “Columbus went around the world in 1492; that isn’t a lot of strokes when you consider the course.”

Trevino, Lee – “I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.”

Unknown – “Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.”

Unknown – “Only a stupid golfer throws his club behind him. The smart golfer throws his club ahead so he can pick it up on the way to the next hole.”

Wilson, Woodrow – “Golf: A game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose”

Wodehouse, P.G. – “To find a man’s true character, play golf with him.”